From the blog which brought you the best craigslist ad ever comes great moments in Amazon.com product reviews.
The product:
Selected Reviews:
This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.
I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.
Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.
I bought this shirt because it looked pretty sweet. I had not read anything about it back then.
However, I made the mistake of wearing it to work last Tuesday. I had a disagreement with one of my coworkers, and I started to get a bit angry. The wolves reacted to my anger. They suddenly burst forth from my shirt and tore him from limb to limb, slowly eating his entrails while he watched in pain. They then opened a spirit portal to his home, and did the same to his family, as he watched. Once they had their fill, they came back through the portal, bit into his neck and suffocated him while I watched. After this they decreed my new name was Abenaki Delaware of the tribe of the wolf, and they returned to my shirt. Police arrived shortly thereafter.
I am now in a mental health facility.
Pros: They will smite your enemies.
Cons: They will smite the innocent to punish your enemies, something you may not morally agree with. People will not believe that the shirt killed your enemies.
One wolf howling at the moon T-shirt? Good.
Two wolves howling at the moon T-shirt? Great.
THREE wolves howling at the moon T-shirt? OMFG!!!
Simply put, this is the greatest garment known to man. At least until the team of scientists and silk-screeners working round the clock find a way to put FOUR wolves howling at the moon on a T-shirt.
This is the T-shirt God would wear. If He wanted to look AWESOME.
I don't want to brag, but ever since I purchased the three wolf moon T-shirt (ok I actually bought 3 of them) I have had the best luck. My grandmother found my knujmchucks under her bed, my D&D character has reached 19th level cunning brilliance, I have convinced my cousin that our two kids should have parents that are married, I completed my final fantasy marathon of beating all of the final fantasy games in one consecutive sitting (even got a bootleg copy of XIII), and taco bell promoted me and taught me the secret bean recipe. Yes, life is good and all thanks to the three wolf moon t-shirt.
With reviews like that how can you go wrong?
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