Disclaimer: Do not interpret this posting as advocating violence against any person or group of people; this is just an ill-formed idea that popped into my head while listening to the news on the way home from work.
I was originally going to call this A Modest Proposal for Preventing the CEOs of Banks and Other Large Corporations From Preventing the Economic Recovery, Thru Their Contributing to the Ongoing Crises of Home Foreclosures and Unemployment; and for Making Them Beneficial to the Public. I changed my mind for a couple reasons: 1) with my level of writing skill it would be an insult to Jonathon Swift’s original essay (which we were forced to read in 11th grade English), and 2) I am not absolutely sure that there is anything that can be done to make CEOs beneficial to the public.
OK, so to the point; what has inspired my ire? Well it’s a combination of things: Skyrocketing home foreclosures, resulting in the wholesale destruction of peoples lives, 9.whatever% unemployment in the United States, while US companies created 1.4 million new jobs in India last year (and less than a million domestically), the fact that companies are sitting on $2,000,000,000,000 in reserves while the economy continues to shoot down the shitter, bonuses being paid to executives who oversee the companies that have come as close as anyone to destroying the American capitalist system, the fact that they (and this is giving them a very large benefit of the doubt because the alternative is even worse) were too stupid to realize just how destructive their policies were, and the fact that despite all this as far as I know not one of them has suffered any serious ill effect - They certainly haven’t gone to jail.
Anyway, I was sitting in my car listening to the radio when the bit about the job creation came on and I just started fuming. Mad doesn’t begin to cover it. At that point three thoughts hit almost simultaneously 1) The traditional Bundy way of handling problems: Swift and blinding violence, 2) pour encourager les autres, and 3) "A
young healthy child well nursed, is, at a year old, (banker is) a most delicious nourishing and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee, or a ragoust."
With those thoughts in my head I went on to wonder, “What if we declared open season on bankers?” It’s not like they would be missed; certainly not by the economy, they wouldn’t be able to screw it up any more, probably not by their families and definitely not by the rest of us. In addition there are some benefits to be derived: Depletion of the ammunition stockpiles held by survivalists and terrorists (and most of the population of Montana) will help lead to an increase in manufacturing jobs. There will be less burden on government entitlement programs such as Social Security and Medicare, the CO2 load in the atmosphere will be decreased helping combat climate change, jobs will open up for business school graduates, and with this example those graduates will certainly be more careful in the business decisions that they make. In short I don’t really see a downside to a mass uprising on say the 17th of March. Maybe we don’t have to kill them all, but if we lined the road from Wall Street to Washington DC with CEOs hanging from light posts light the Romans did with the slaves following the Spartacus uprising they would get the message.